shinepegasus

So far, today has been pretty nice. Mom tried to get me up for like an hour this morning...just goes to show how much I am NOT a morning person. Walked Fox, got $20 (I owe her a walk now) and while I was out with him I kept thinking about my future dog. As I've said, Fox may have a Service Dog tag, but he DOESN'T make the cut! Seriously, he shows aggression towards other dogs. She blows it off like "oh, he thinks he's as big as all the German Shepherds out there" and I keep thinking, no if this was really a professional dog he would not exhibit this type of behavior. It shows poor training and bad socialization skills. A true service dog would be taught to avoid all distractions, that includes other dogs, humans, food, whatever. They're supposed to keep alert for the things that their owner needs help with, for example, guiding through streets or listening for particular sounds. Annie says Fox will come and whine for her if the doorbell or phone rings, but what is he trained to do OUTSIDE of the home, why should he be allowed in stores and restaurants? In my opinion, that tag is a hoax, and I am very surprised at Annie because she was a cop. Bringing a dog like that into a store with a no pets policy is breaking the law, and if he did do something a true service dog would be trained not to do, he would be giving all service dogs a bad name.
It just gets my goat every time I see that dog. Oh, and another thing, he gets COMPLIMENTED! People think this thing is cute as a button. To me, he isn;t much better than a pug or a bulldog, true he's furry but UGLY as all hell. WHY doesn't she have a husky? I'd be more than happy to walk one of those.
After walking the mutt, I went to Chelsea. I simply CANNOT be cooped up with mom in the same house for an extended period of time. She drives me nuts and I've only been here a couple days. Things never change I guess. Anyway, I went to Hotspot and got some of their yummy pizza. I saw some kids from Clinton in there and I thought about how Sarah, Kate, Clare and I would go get pizza when we were in middle school. After that I went to Selis to observe some guide dog handlers. It felt kinda awkward just standing there waiting for someone with a dog to come out, but guide dogs are constantly on my mind now. I was dying to see a team in action, and Selis was the perfect place to go. After a few minutes of waiting a woman with a black lab came out and I took off after them. I know this sounds totally creepy and stalkerish, but I promise I wasn't trying to be a creeper. All I wanted to do was observe, I didn;t mean either of them any harm, so I don't think I can be placed in the catagory of stalker just for wanting to watch. I noticed the woman made sereral 'forward' motions while walking, the dog turned its head and got somewhat distracted for a minute, but I couldn't see if the handler gave a correction. I followed them until the lady went into a doorway, then I looped around the block and went to Selis again. A couple minutes later a man came out with his shepherd and took it to the curb to relieve itself. It sniffed around for a bit, but I think it did do its business fairly quickly. I wasn't close enough to observe whether it went in the street or on the sidewalk, but it doesn't matter.
I then headed off to the Clearview to see Outrage. There wasn't anyone at the outside ticket vending booth so I went inside to see where I could buy tickets. I went to a desk on the left and asked where to go, the lady told me and asked if I needed help. I considered telling her I was visually impaired, but didn't and just headed off to the direction she pointed in, hoping I would find the ticket vendor. When I got there, there was a big blackboard with 'Purchase Tickets Here' with an arrow....any fully sighted person would have noticed it instantly, I figured thats why the woman asked if I needed help. Got the ticket, found the theater all right, had a little difficulty finding the Ladies restroom...again, there was a sign above my head that any sighted person would have seen at once.
The movie itself was god, except for the bit with Jim McGeevey telling people to be honest. HELLO you weren't honest until YEARS after you were married. By coming out after many years of marriage had passed, he tore apart his wife's life...how could someone do that? I have a whole rant pertaining to this subject, I think it deserves its own post. Buuuut yeah, Outrage was a good documentary, I think there should be more LGBT media out there.

Moved out of Probst yesterday, hooray! I won't miss the mice, partying, and Hilary's loud ass sex with Tim. Moving all my shit was a real trip, lots of lifting and shoving last minutr outlying items into any crevice we could find. I didn;t find it pleasant at all, the actaul process and even after. The car was COMPLETELY filled up, I wasn't expecting that. I even had to fit a few things in the front seat with me. The ride wasn't that bad...we hit traffic, but it could have been a lot worse. I tried to get along with Glenn, I think my efforts worked well. I was surprised that he didn't have a fit and blow up while we were packing and loading, quite an unexpected and appreciated surprise.
I got hme and was SO surprised to see how BIG my cats were! I guess I got so used to the ferret back at Goucher. My cats seemed to heavy, furry, and it seemed like they had gotten fuller since the last time I saw them. I know it's just me, they haven't really gotten bigger, but they just seem so...full. After I pet them for awhile, Glenn and I had dinner: turkey meatballs and gnocci. It was SOOOO good, very different from Goucher food. Mmmmmmm. After that I sat up waiting for mom and the boys to come home...it took them like another 2 hours. I was so happy to see them, David and I joked around and started another water fight. That seems to be becoming a tradition every time I come home. Went to bed at around 2, when David was getting grouchy.
I first woke up a little after 7 because Sam was meowing and walking around on me. I went to the bathroom, went back to bed and slept for a couple more hours but was then woken up by mom's somewhat screechy, annoying to hear in the morning, voice. She tried waking me up a couple times, but I was so tired and just kinda blew her off. I really became awake when a typical Mom vs John battle began to happen. John, as usual, didn't want to go to baseball practice. He doesn't want to take part in ANYTHING and every time Mom tells him to do something they argue for a REALLY long time in voices that are worse than ringwrith screeches. It was terrible, the argument involved a lot of yelling, door slamming, arm pulling and lashing out. Glenn was passive about it and supported mom briefly, but then slipped off to my room. John ended up not going despite mom's best efforts. I have a feeling arguments like this will go on most (if not all) days I'm here. Can't wait. I knew the there's no place like home feeling was too good to last.

School is OVER!!!! I had my last final today and I'll be leaving tomorrow morning. I'm waiting for Glenn to get here, I probably won't know when he does because his phone is practically dead. I looked up a couple restaurants in Towson, so when he does show up we can go eat.
Emily, and all her stuff, is gone. I keep glancing to my right and see a completely bare side of the room. It gives my the feeling that I'm utterly alone and cut off, and I'm afraid if I lived alone I'd become depressed very easily. Therefor I've come to the conclusion that I will ALWAYS have someone living with me, whether it be a boyfriend, roommate, whatever. Even if I don't NEED a roommate because I can pay the full rent, I'd have one anyway, just to have someone around. This is coming from someone who does not have a wide social circle and who tends to find fault with people easily...inconsistency much? I mean, I don't mind if I'm alone for a few hours or something, people go out and have lives, but just knowing that someone will come back and live in the same space as me is a comforting thought nonetheless. That being said, I'd have to find that person pleasant to be around. I really could not deal with, for example, a chain smoker who coughs all the time and has raging parties every night. I'm picky about who I hang around with, so if I was to get a roommate they'd be screened beforehand definitely.
Back to the present, I have most of my things packed away. I'm waiting until the morning to take my posters down. Bare walls increase my feeling of loneliness. I'm pretty content with life right now, classes are over and I won't have to study again for 3.5 months WOOT! It will be nice to get back to NYC, but I will miss Goucher a little. Looking forward to seeing the brothers and the cats. I can FINALLY start my vidding experiements I've been planning. Getting more drawing done will be a huge plus. More reading time, aimless walks without worrying about deadlines, looking forward to the new dog, Oh I'm so excited.
Finals went ok. Psych was definately the most painless. Now that they're over I don't care much about how I did on the history and poli sci finals. I should get my grades at the end of the month. I hope they will have pulled my GPA up from last semester. Being under a 3.0 does not feel good at all.
That's all for now, I'll write again when I get to NYC!

I'm feeling pretty calm and relaxed at the moment. : D After that ginormous paper got finished I have been feeling so great. I'll REALLY be walking on air when finals are over.
I'm in such a good mood that I'm listening to old Disney tunes nonstop. That preserves the mood, so familiar and upbeat. I really can't multitask...whenever I listen to music, or there is a lot of noise around I can't concentrate on anything else. I can't read, write, and sometimes not even carry on a conversation because the sound is so distracting. My one exception is drawing, I actually love to draw when I'm listening to an audiobook or music. Speaking of noise, a lot of people are outside tonight, a few happen to be right under my window. Lucky me. Dumbasses, go party in your room. We've had to close the window these past few nights, just got up and closed it again. It really sucks because with no ventilation this room becomes an oven, which was great in the winter but it's a real pain in the ass now. Plus the ferret smell is stronger when there isn't some sort of breeze rolling in.
That essay, getting the sources and fitting the quotes in there was the most time consuming. I think I'll just forget about the whole thing, it wasn't pleasant, but now it's over and I have more important things to think about. Like SUMMER! Hmmmm I haven't heard from Tina, I hope she found something. I'd like to start working ASAP because I'll have to go to the guide dog school the last month. Still really hoping Guiding Eyes accepts me. Kinda feels like college apps, but not as drastic if I don't get in. Speaking of college, the campus is beautiful right now. Those bushes by the breezeway are COVERED in flowers. I didn't expect that when they were all dead looking over the winter. Took some pics around campus today to show ppl in NY what Goucher looks like. I read a little outside too, the temperature was perfect but I kept getting distracted because apparently I taste great to mosquitoes. When I get a house I need one of those screened in porches, so I can be outside, but I won't have to worry about bugs landing on me every 2 seconds.
Need to study for poli sci and history. Hale is still a prick. Going to take his final first, then PS and finally psych. Out of those psych is the only one I like. XP
dogdogdogdogdogdog
I know this can't be helped, but I wish I knew something about the dog I will be paired with before actually meeting it. Us blind people are "kept in the dark" haha until the dog walks in the door. The suspense!!!
I'd be happy with any dog. Obviously German Shepherds are myy first choice but a lab or golden is far from a disappointment. For some reason I like yellow labs better than black. Maybe it's because their eyes contrast with their fur so I can see them better. For black labs I don't see the eyes right away.
Since it's almost 3 in the morning I'm gonna go to bed. Hopefully the shouting idiots in the hallway will go away. I hate this dorm.

I had trouble sleeping last night. I laid awake for over an hour worrying about how I could fuck up my Guiding Eyes interview and blow my chances of getting a dog. About a half hour after I drifted off, Emily turned on her light in her sleep. The clicking noise and the light woke me up and when I noticed that she was sleeping I got up and turned it off. That's never happened before, it was pretty odd.
I woke up early this morning, the nervousness returned immediately after I turned my alarm clock off. I got ready and waited by my cell phone, eagerly awaiting the trainer's call. After 9 o'clock ticked by I was nearly jumping out of my skin, something must have gone wrong! She hasn't called me yet! I called Guiding Eyes and talked to Bev, turns out everything was fine, the instructor was on her way over. PHEW! I met Kate by the parking lot and took her up to my room, soon after that we went to the common room and she went over a lot of things I had read on the web already, but I waited and nodded patiently. She asked me questions, I asked her questions, it was all nice and peachy. After that we got into her car and went to the Superfresh parking lot, just like I did with The Seeing Eye last week. The one BIG difference between the two schools was Guiding Eyes' was A LOT more comprehensive. Lots more talking, more cane observation, videotaping how well I got across crosswalks, just a lot more in depth overall. She even measured how fast I walked with a GPS! Can't get more detailed than that. She said I walk on the moderate-medium level, which is good because a lot of dogs walk at that speed as well. JUNO walk went great, I knew what to expect this time around so I was more trusting. Worked on forward, the correct leader stance, how to hold the handle and leash, wait, Hupup and correction techniques. There are 3 ways to correct a dog, Hupup, left leash snap and right leash snap. Pretty cool, of course you have to train the dog further after you leave the school.
More about guide dogs: I was reading a GEB May student's blog and he said you don't automatically trust the dog right away. That makes a lot of sense, you both need to get used to each other and that takes real time. People say it takes 6 months to a year for both dog and handler to be completely in sync.
Finishing up on the dog topic for now, I REALLY hope this works out! If I can go to Guiding Eyes this summer I will be inexplicably happy.
One more note, I talked to mom after history and she told me about the birthday card she sent Grandpa. Happy Birthday Dad! Love, Annemarie, Glenn, Katie, David, John and guide dog. Nice way to sneak that in there! He is gonna FLIP OUT! Hahaha I want to see his face so bad when he realizes I'm getting a dog for real.
Seriously now, I'll shut up about the dog.
Did English presentation, went fine I think, Went to last history class and gave Hale a scathing evaluation. That guy was such a douche. Prick, I'm still sore about my last essay.
Gotta e-mail him and tell him I'm taking his final a day early, he BETTER NOT give me shit about that. I'm through with that asshole.
Had a talk with mom about pick up next Friday and storage. We decided storage is not worth it and that we'll take all my shit home. Ok fine, I need to get some boxes though. Glenn will be picking me up, maybe I can score an ice cream or malkshake on the way home. Mom is under the impression that I'll be a total bitch to him. I won't be, never planned on it, but I'm not going to be chatting the whole time either. Maybe I can get a few Z's in.
Then there's David. He tells me he's taller than mom now. What the fucking shit is that? I swear, I'm going to slap him in the face. He's not allowed to grow!!! Just wait until his voice deepens, then I'll REALLY be freaking out. To me it's always seemed that he's had the same voice.
I looked into helicopter tours, turns out they're a big rip off. Too bad, he really wanted to do that for his birthday. The parents need to do something special for him this year, he's so good and he barely ever gets the shit he deserves. I hope he likes the Bartimaeus books I'm getting him (still need to order aaaaahhhhh)
Really gotta finish that motherfuckin' essay. I've got less than 24 hours now so I need to speed this up.
LAST DAY OF CLASSES HAS ENDED YAAAAAY!

Listening to Limp Bizkit's "Break Stuff", it depicts my mood almost exactly. Funny, now that I have something blasting in my ears the rage is ebbing pretty fast. Ever notice that?
BREAK YOUR FUCKIN FACE TONIGHT!
Haha, I like this song because it's junk music, but exactly what you want to listen to when you're in a bad mood. I hate YouTube for taking down the Steel Breaks Stuff AMV, that vid was hella' sweet.
Getting onto what's wring, I went to history today, expecting to get my paper back with an nice, juicy good grade on the back. I wait all class, a glittery, floating 95 before my eyes. When I get the paper what do I see? A B-!!!! WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT IS THAT?????? I didn't even bullshit this essay, I did exactly what I was supposed to. Quote from the documents, give the thesis plenty of support yadda yadda. I fucking hate this prick teacher. You can bet your ass I'm giving him NO credit in the course evaluation on Thursday. Fucking ballbreaker this guy. (He breaks my balls, and I don't even posess male anatomy.)
In the words of Christian Bale: I want you off the fucking set you prick! OOOOHHHHH gooooood for you! Fucks sake you're amateur! You're unbelievable man, fuckin' unbelievable. I wanna kick your fuckin' ass! You are trashin' my scene. Seriously man you and me we're done professionally. Fuckin' ass!
Hahahaha! That was a good laugh. I love how the next week Family Guy did a spoof of that. Fuckin' A.
So then I get this e-mail from The Seeing Eye. They want to come see me AGAIN in NY. What the fuck? You can't just take my fuckin' word that a dog would help me get around? Cause it will, but if YOU think I have too much vision, then I'm going to have to continue to be extra careful at curbs, and stairs and continue to squint til my eyes are almost shut WITH sunglasses on,and nobody will ever know I'm visually impaired because I AM NOT taking out that isolating white stick they call a tool. I either get the dog, or I remain a closeted legally blind person.
Hopefully Guiding Eyes will go better. I learned from The Seeing Eye experience what and what not to do, I THINK. If GEB rejects me I'm going to be seriously depressed. Not sighted, not blind. Who am I? Where do I fit in?
I've been thinking about this dog for months, imagining myself with it and how people will respond differently towards me.
Another thing, we went over interpersonal attraction in psych lab today. Made me feel really down because nobody has ever shown signs of being attracted to me, never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, never been FUCKED! I've seen plenty of fucking on Queer As Folk, and I'm getting more and more anxious about losing my virginity. Who knows, maybe I'LL be the next 40 year old virgin, when all my youthful looks have gone away it'll be even harder to be seen as attractive. Just makes me want to cry. I think the place to start is to go to places where men spend time, outside of the classroom. Problem is, I HATE the parties here, they're all about getting drunk, getting high and getting laid. "How was your night?" means Did you have any luck getting fucked last night? I overhear people asking eachother that all the time at brunch on weekends. I believe I have a grand total of 3 male friends, 1 possibly 2 are gay. Dan is a good friend, but I'm not attracted to him. It's a good thing too because he has a girlfriend. It makes me want to puke when Emily gets all lovey dovey with Nick over the phone, I'm glad I called her out on leaving the room when we're having phone conversations.
Maybe I can work on meeting a guy this summer. I have no idea where to begin though. I know the first step is losing a few pounds at the gym. Maybe if I can guys will notice me. FUCK getting people to notice you is so complicated. Now, where in NY can I meet a guy my own age?...Not in Stuy Town, not on the bus, not just walking around...shit I have no idea. Clubs? I'd probably be a wallflower anyway, I wouldn't be going half naked after all because 1. I'm not a fucking slut and 2. I don't have the body for it.
I may post later with more ideas. Right now I have to go check the e-mail Tina sent me about a job.

I had a new experience today; cleaning up ferret poo off the floor. Ugh, it was fresh and messy...and I'm not going to go on about it. XP
Watched Rosemary's Baby again today to refresh my memory for the essay. Took notes on the movie, but didn't get any further in the essay. There's always tomorrow...like that song, but not when my mom sings it ick.

Watched more Sopranos. Only 7 eps til I finish the series. The user Christopher was screwing reminded me of Joanne, so I gave her a call. She sounded good, kinda tired, but not very weak. Last chemo session was last Wednesday. I REALLY hope I never get cancer!!!! I try to be there for her as much as I can, I like her a lot.
I'm tired, sweaty and I dunno, dreading the work I put off til tomorrow. Has to get done though. I started the Research Roundup for PSY and checked out my grade. 95 so far. If all goes well with the roundup and last exam I should have an A on my transcript for that class. Poli sci will be a B at best, most likely B-, but I don't care that much. English, we'll see...hoping for a B+/A-. Have to work on the Lovely House revision FUCK! Voice is an A, History...B/B+ I hope.
Owww suddenly the left part of my neck hurts, right under the jaw. Maybe I've been clenching it? This canker sore is driving me nuts, it better be healing. I poured so much salt into my mouth today, it's supposed to help the thing heal but it stings like fuck.
Tomorrow I REALLY have to do laundry. I'll put that down after brunch, take a shower, finish the Roundup cause that's due first, then work on the essay. I have 3 books and 2 internet sources so I should be set.
My bed calls...
Night

Indeed I am, due to the laughing idiot girls who think it's alright to just make as much noise in the hallway as they want.
Where's my flamethrower? I want me some scorched bitch for breakfast.
I really want to be active in the HP communities on here, but I have to finish with school obligations first. Can't wait to go home, pick up a new sketchbook, and start on some kinky Snupin art. I considered drawing some in my sketchbook I have now, but I like to show it off and I can think of a few people who would think less of me if I was drawing porn, let alone gay porn, in my sketchbook. : ) So I figured it's best just to get another sketchbook exclusively for PG 13 and up art.
Other things to do this summer:
MAKE VIDS! I got PowerDirector for Xmas and have been itching to use it.I have a Snupin vid all planned out, and I have some ideas for a generally funny Snape vid.
Get these headphones replaced: Seriously, I paid like 100 bucks for these and something went wrong. Once I get home I'll call the manufacturer and ask where to return/replace them.
Make my Equus horse head: Yep, I'm gonna be Nugget for Halloween this year, so I'm going to embark on a 3d design project. I've got the wire I need, I just have to sculpt it in a way that will look like the Broadway props. Those were SO kick ass. I saw Equus 3 times : ) I can truthfully say that Daniel Radcliffe was naked under me one night. Hehehe, seriously though, that show was epic.
I'll probably post again tonight, after I make some head(haha)way on my English paper.

It seems like I'll be updating this journal late at night/very early in the morning....jotting down thoughts and a summary of my day before I go to bed.
So, today was GIG: Get Into Goucher or as I call it Get Intoxicated at Goucher, because this is just another excuse for many of the students on campus to get wasted. What else is new? Tents behind Pearlstone were set up, the only one I really looked at was the food one. Behind that were various games/activities such as a trampoline, laser tag, an ice cream truck, a cotton candy maker etc. I'm really glad Dan spotted me and called me over, if it wasn't for him I would have just passed on by. It began to rain maybe 45 minutes after I got there, and I was getting bored watching Dan's stuff while he played laser tag, so I checked my voicemail. AFB had called to tell me my scholarship packet wasn't complete. I called them back and explained that Goucher sent the transcript a month ago, and that the school doesn't give me a copy so I couldn't include it in the ONE ENVELOPE they wanted all the materials in. Went to SAS got them to send another just in case. Heard back from AFB later, they found it (phew)
Got back to the room pretty tired and watched The Sopranos until Tina and Mike called about the summer job. I told them what I was looking for and where, so they should get back to me soon.
Damn I'm tired!
Watched more Sopranos and got an urge to order sushi. Went down to Stimson just in case I COULDN'T get sushi. Stimson was unbearably loud and I scarfed down a plate of pasta so fast my stomach hurt for a bit afterward. Ordered sushi online, the guy came, had a little trouble finding him, but I did eventually. I have since come to appreciate NYC sushi more than I did already. : D The best, seriously. The rice from this place wasn't...moist enough and didn't have the slight vinegar flavor I've come to expect from sushi rice. The fish was good, but in NY they give you bigger slabs of fish. I only ate the tofu cubes out of the miso soup, the broth was bad. XP
This canker sore is a real PAIN IN THE ASS (well, mouth)!!!!!!! It feels like someone went into my mouth with a tiny spade and gouged out a hole. I used to experience stuff like this with the dreaded braces, they'd cut into the soft inside of my mouth and leave a raw, throbbing wound. It fucking hurts when I move my mouth or run my tongue over it. Owwwww the pain! When I go down to breakfast I'm getting some salt and putting it on the sore. It stings like a bitch but I think it helps the wound heal.
I found it hilarious when The Sopranos found out one of their crew was gay, it was like QAF dropped in for a period. Can't get enough gay bar scenes!
Again, I'm feeling very tired.
Dog dog dog I want my dog! I want to be able to fast forward through time to mid July; then I could see HBP and get my puppy!!!
BTW, Snape/Dumbledore poster rocks! There better be more Snape screentime in this film. His name is in the title goddammit.
Talked to mom on the phone today. I've discovered that calling her isn't pleasant, especially now. The complains, bitches to me and whines and I can't say anything back. I'd just set her off some more. I only like talking to David. haHAAAAA lol
Need to call Joanne this weekend.
Do englush paper
sleep
Oh yeah, I really like the white on black format. Thank you IJ for having templates for those of us who don't know a scrap of HTML.

Hi,
Before I get into anything I have to say: I HAD MY FIRST JUNO WALK TODAY!!!!!
Moods:
Relieved-The JUNO walk went well (I think : D) A girl (can't remember her name, remembering names is a skill I have not developed unfortunately) came down to visit me from The Seeing Eye and we walked around Superfresh. I brought out the cane, showed off my skills I learned back in...I dunno...8th grade? Can't remember, anyway, it came in handy didn't it? O&M actually helped me out! Who woulda thought? If I had known back then I would have been less of a pain. Back to JUNO, we drove to the Superfresh parking lot, got out, and she showed me a harness and leash. Pretty cool, I was bouncing around mentally when I first touched the handle. We began to walk, her acting as the dog, and me holding on to the handle. I learned that you hold the leash and handle in one hand, index, middle and ring fingers inside the leash loop, keep the hand relaxed, the dog can feel the tension if it is there, and to keep the elbow bent. We went over basic commands, forward, left, right, hupup (I think that's how you spell it) and (later on at the end) fui (or phooey, she likes fui though). The dog walks on the left, slightly ahead of the VI person, and verbal commands are also supplemented by hand motions. Cool stuff.
Worried/embarrassed-She noticed I was closing my eyes at some point in the JUNO walk, I hope that doesn't give her the idea that I have TOO MUCH vision. I'd die if they told me I wasn't blind enough for a guide dog.
Slight sense of dread-If I get accepted to and go to either The Seeing Eye or Guiding Eyes for the Blind, I will have to wake up at 5:30 for a month! And I thought 7:30 on lab days was bad, phooooo. I know it'll be well worth it, I'll get a DOG for christs sake, but still me+waking up early=not a happy Shine.
Sad/annoyed-Mom failed her nursing class by 3 points. 3 FUCKING POINTS!!!!! WTF????!!! Grrrr, she worked so hard, and I didn't talk to her for a long time so she would be able to study. I don't blame her, of course I don't, but I'm just SO ticked that she'll have to go through another few months of school before she graduates. I can only imagine how she feels right now, very sad (depressed, for a while anyway), feelings of low self worth (I never failed a class, but I've JUST passed a couple. Math to be exact. I know how getting bad grades affects how you feel about yourself. It's a real blow.), a feeling of letting others down (the family needs more money because of Glenn's slowing business) and anger (both towards herself and towards her professors for not passing her based on a few points). There are probably more, but I need to stop soon.
A little annoyed-I don't like poli sci, but I have to write 2 pages for him tonight. Ugghh it's already late. I hate working!!! Also, I have to work on this big, looming English paper that's been hanging over my head for a while. I have to watch the movie again, take notes on it, look for good quotes in my sources (uber hate.......raaaaawr I hate reading pages of academic texts just to find a line or 2 to put in my essay!), and finally, fill out my outline to make it more paragraph-y.
Yes, I'm tired as you can probably tell. I fell asleep at the lecture I went to for History to get a couple bonus points on the final. I really didn't care for the subject matter. So sleepy....let's end with a to do list
Do this Hudson response
Call Alvin to cancel for tomorrow
Research Roundup 2
Go to Mind Matters
Watch Rosemary's Baby again
Read the sources (nooooooooo)
Talk to mom at some point
Call Joanne
Begin packing? (yeah...gonna be leaviing soon)
Laundry

Ok, g2g read Hudson and write that response. I'll probably fall alseep and rush it in the morning.
That's how I roll.
Night

Hello, this is my first post here on IJ. My name is Kate (shinepegasus). I don't know if there's any point going on about me, since I'll probably be the only one reading this afterwards. So since I''m lazy like that, e-mail me if you want to know my Facebook, all of my favorite things, interests etc are on there.
Since I've skipped the introduction, I'll dive right into what's happening right now (this is a blog after all). At the start of each post I will be writing down my feelings/moods of the moment, just include everything that I possibly can. I will quite possibly feel different about things AFTER the post, writing releases stress and , generally, people feel more relaxed after they've written something down or talked to someone (effective way to cope with stress, PSY 114 : D)
Moods at the moment:
Excited-Tomorrow is my first guide dog interview! I've been thinking about getting a guide dog non-stop since February and I am SO close to getting one. : ) Tomorrow's interview is with The Seeing Eye, the oldest guide dog school in the US. They turn 80 this year. I have another interview with Guiding Eyes for the Blind next Thursday, and I am just as psyched for that one.
Nervous-I know I am worrying unnecessarily, but I can't help feeling some anxiety about the interviews. What if they think I have too much vision? I would be shot down and my hopes dashed to bits! I know that there is a very small chance that they would reject me, I am truly legally blind, visually impaired, partially sighted, whatever you want to call it. I think my anxiety has to do with the fact that I managed to get around without assistance for the last 18 years. (Ok, well I wasn't doing much on my own as an infant, but you get the point.) I have this nagging feeling that I am not qualified to have a dog, and that I am taking the opportunity away from someone else. But really...I AM qualified, my doubts are not solid. I have 20/400 vision, am EXTREMELY photophobic (sensitive to light, the sun kills my eyes), my sense of color is pretty bad, and I have trouble seeing details and objects that are far away. Only 20% of those who are considered blind have NO remaining vision.
Guilty-I really should be writing an english paper right now. I have a conference with Jona tomorrow and I need to make some progress on this thing if I want to get any advice from him. In the words of David: Work...aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh
Ok, now that I've gotten some of those feelings out I should stop procrastinating and get my ass in gear to write that paper.
If this blog thing needs me to put in HTML codes then this post is going to look squished because I didn't put HTML coding in. I don't even know HTML anymore, I did back in 7th grade when I was making Neopets petpages, but I've lost it since. *sigh* One more thing to brush up on this summer.
Til next time,
Kate